"Every trans activist I read just call the women 'transphobe' and ignore whatever they may want for themselves."

Really, well which "trans activists" have you read? I haven't called you a "transphobe" at any point in this conversation, and yet I'm a trans activist (well, I'm an activist for transgender rights, I'm not personally transgender). I can point you to many articles I've written criticizing opponents of transgender rights where--even if I call the person a transphobe at some point in the article--calling them a transphobe is far from all I do. It's the same thing with Medium writer Gemma Stone, YouTuber Contrapoints, YouTuber Vaush, and many other "trans activists" I know through social media or real life.

Are there trans-activists who are uncivil? Sure. There were Civil Rights Activists who were uncivil, but that doesn't make the movement any less valid.

As for your question, well how am I supposed to respond to it? If I show you a poll that says the majority of cis-women don't mind, you'll come back and say they're all just scared of trans-activism. This is a lose-lose situation where, no matter what, trans-activists are the bad guys.